Lazuli Green Island Mama

Lazuli Green Island Mama

Saturday, July 30, 2011

On mothering...

Today I'm celebrating my current role and phase of life.

I LOVE motherhood. I love mothering. That doesn't mean I find it easy. O no no nooooo. Most of the time it challenges me like walking with a blister may challenge me. Sometimes it challenges me to my very core.

Nor does "loving it" mean that I enjoy it all of the time. Much of the time I'm buzzing and stomping around, full of great importance and busy-ness, with a booming "Get out of my way... washing coming through!" or a "F*** f*** f*** my washing machine's not working!"

I've found that Motherhood, when you are loved and accepted and held with compassion (which I am), is a tremendous window of opportunity: to grow and to get to know yourself in all your glory. I gave it time, and now I've found great (still challenging) peace with it; purpose; an understanding of the meaning of this time in my childrens' lives. And I understand that this deep appreciation is probably hugely due to the way I was mothered in my childhood. For those early years, my family home was secure and nurturing, reliable and solid.

A friend of mine recently said "but you don't work!". Well, Jules, you know who you are. And if wiping bums and cleaning toilets and hanging 2 loads of washing a day and cleaning up the kitchen endlessly and making beds, and preparing 3+ meals a day isn't "working", then I'm not sure what is. But it's true: there's no pay structure for this one, no sick leave, no uniforms, the hours can be shite and I can't see a way to advance in the mothering career... apart from honouring myself while I do it. There are amazing social clubs for those in this job though and quite a few moments in sunshine which I may not otherwise have.

I'm hoping that after this phase, there will be time still to develop another (paid) career. Perhaps the one I studied for, or another. It's not the time to stress about that now.

In the meantime, I'm celebrating mothering. Right now, it's a most worthy place to be. I most grateful for this time and space, and wonder quite often what I have done to deserve such good fortune. I may often sound as though I am going crazy, but actually I'm feeling damn fine.

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