Time to smile

Life is a struggle for my child. Not in any physical sense of the word 'struggle'. He can run, skid, jump, swim. He reads well, he understands mathematical concepts. He even has fairly good intuition when it comes to observing people and certain situations. 

But he carries a cloud around with him, sitting somewhere near his heart. Sometimes he hides behind it. Sometimes he's engulfed by it. Sometimes I think maybe he even forgets it's there. Most of the time he just brings it with him, like a trusted blanket.

I'm not fond of the cloud. I never have been. I find it difficult to live with, at best. Other times I find it utterly annoying. Most of the time it's this irritation that gets up my nose and under my skin. Sometimes, on days like today, his cloud makes it difficult for me to find his light. And then I can't find mine either. The irritation becomes words leaving my mouth, trying to get a reaction from him. Not kind, loving mama words. My brain switches off, my heart sinks within the depths of me and only the stinging of his latest gripe is present. Each word that comes from me only thickens his cloud, makes it a bit darker, reminds him that he needs it - to carry it around, like a trusted blanket.

So, what lifts his cloud? 

Two things lift his cloud. Being around water certainly thins it. Cleansing, dynamic, powerful and gentle water. Lucky for him, he's learning to be Boat Boy. The only other thing that has lifted his cloud is homoeopathic medicine. Our family homoeopath, Peter Tumminello, has understood him from their first meeting, and his remedies have profoundly influenced me and the boy with the cloud, more than once. I kiss the ground Peter walks on, and feel deep gratitude for his commitment to his work.

I have 8 hours to soften my hard edges. Hmmmm, what shall I do with them? Let the tears escape down the hill to the water. Fill my cup up with some Xavier Rudd. Take a walk with my dog in the sunshine. Apply my mind to an online lecture or two, a bit of work on an assignment, some readings on Liberalism and Justice. Hang clothes to dry in the sun. Meditate. Chant. Bake.

Be brave mama, life is joyous.

Post Script: Life did not turn out to be quite so joyous today afterall. After our rocky start to the morning, I heard from a friend that a 2 year old boy had drowned in a back yard pool in Armidale NSW, next to my friend's parents' house. My friend's Dad had found the little boy and pulled him from the pool. He didn't survive the night.

The pool was in a backyard that wasn't fenced. Apparently neighbours had been fighting with the pool owners to fence the pool - which is the law in this country, well, in NSW at least. All backyard swimming pools must be fenced with child-proof gates. Who was enforcing that law in that particular backyard? Liberalism and Justice indeed.

My heart goes out to those parents who have lost their child. It wasn't their swimming pool. They live 2 houses away from the backyard in question. Community carelessness with the highest cost.